I am not perfect. I have never been and I never will be.
I make mistakes. I have my whole life. I would not be who I am today without them happening.
I am happy with where I am at in life. At the same time I love improving myself and so I see the long road of improvement as a challenge.
I have been doing some serious thinking. We are doing a series at church called, “My Story….” and we all have one. Maybe someday I will take someones advice and actually write. Then again maybe I won’t.
We all have a story, what do you want others to recall about yours? Are you a person who is giving? Are you a person who takes? Are you a person who is loving? Are you a person who makes mistakes,says sorry and then does it again? Are you encouraging? Are you self destructive? Are you happy?
In life I have said, “I’m Sorry” more times than I can count. Sometime in my 20’s I realized that the words were just not enough, especially if I was just going to keep on doing the same things.
In my late 20’s and early 30’s a light bulb clicked on and changes really started to take place. It was around this time that the way I viewed an apology changed.
I do think an apology is an appropriate thing to do and give to others. It means a lot to some people. Still if you are going to turn around and just keep doing it, don’t tell me you are sorry.
Sorry to me is a way of crying wolf. Okay I don’t see it like that from everyone who says it to me. However there are some in my life that sorry means nothing anymore.
I hear those words and just think, “Really here we go again.” It doesn’t mean I don’t pray for them. It doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge them. It doesn’t mean anything though when it has been said over and over for the same thing.
Don’t tell me you are sorry. Don’t write to me and tell me you are sorry. Don’t give me puppy dog eyes and mouth the words. Change your behavior.
Things are hard to change. Change is growth and growth hurts a lot of the time. It does not happen over night. It doesn’t happen in a day. It takes time. It takes showing me over and over again that things are not the same they were. That you are not doing the same things over and over and over.
I am all for 2nd and 3rd and 4th and sometimes 5th chances (realistically I probably would go to a million chances). Especially if I see the changes, the struggles, and also the words. It is when there are just words and no actions.
It is so true that actions speak louder than words. You can tell me until you are blue in the face that you are sorry you lied, stole, cheated, forgot and that you won’t do it again. And the first time I will take your words and accept them. However the minute you turn around and go right back to doing it, the trust is broken. Then at that point it is just words you speak. At that point the only apology I will accept is a change in the behavior.
I personally had to accept a truth about myself recently. I am more pessimistic than optimistic. Do I like that about myself? Not at all. However I have been using White Angelica (essential oil) and I am seeing a difference. I am drawn to negativity for whatever reason and because of that, I think part of these things come to me.
Like I said I am not prefect. Part of my issues comes from me swarming in negative things. I think part of that goes along with being a people please and co-dependent person though. This however goes along with change. I have gotten to the point where I don’t have to accept this behavior. You can be upset with me. You can be angry. You can hate me. You can feel I am not longer your friend. I am okay with that.
However I will not be okay with being told I am sorry, then those things to continue, you say sorry again and the cycle continue. I have a right to stand up for me and not be walked on and so do you!
Everyone deservers a chance to change. No one deservers to be a doormat though.
What’s your story? Does it include anything that needs to change verse just saying sorry?
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